Coping with the Holidays
Reaching out to others we know who are suffering relieves our own burden. Be sure to contact those in your circle of friends and acquaintances who have lost loved ones in the last year or so to remind them that you are thinking of them. It is also important to let others know if you are feeling sad at this time of year. Forcing yourself to act cheerful and deny problems only adds to the burden. The more we speak to others about difficulties the more support and understanding we are likely to receive. We are also less overwhelmed by our problems when we acknowledge them openly. The harsh imperative of our culture that criticizes this as “whining” makes it harder for people to seek the kindness and support of those who care about them. What are our caring and loving relationships for, if not to provide concern, consideration and emotional comfort when we are in need? If we have established good friendships, those around us know we will be there for them when they are in need.
If your family composition is not what you hoped it would be-make your own! We can “adopt” all variety of family-mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles and grandparents, siblings and children. Even people with strong family connections may be separated by distance. Celebrate the holidays with those who are near. Be a substitute yourself for a missing uncle or grandparent or son and feel free to embrace those around you who can supplement those roles for you.
For single people who are coping with the loss of a spouse or companion or those who are lonely because they have not established a close primary relationship, make the effort to connect with other singles at this time. Create your own holiday events with others who are also disconnected. For those on the other side of the equation, be sure to include your single friends in your family’s celebrations if at all possible.
A long term traditional way of helping yourself during the holidays is to help those who are less fortunate. Volunteer for a homeless shelter, provide services and comfort to the neediest in society to take a pro-active approach to your own losses. Working with others on a volunteer basis also provides opportunities to make new friends and contacts. With so many unemployed these days, time is a commodity that is abundant and can be shared in many meaningful ways.
The most essential message is to understand that loss and unhappiness are a normal part of life. With the emphasis on the good cheer of the holidays, it is easy for someone who is struggling to feel out of the mainstream; as if they have done something wrong because it is hard for them to feel happy and celebratory. You are not alone. Many others are facing difficult times. We can find meaning in holidays that celebrate renewal, rebirth and hope by looking to the future with courage to deal with our losses or struggles and hope that the New Year will bring better times for us and our loved ones.