Will this Valentine’s Day be a happy one for you?  It seems to me that holiday pressure keeps mounting and I’m not sure why.  Perhaps as American families become more fractured through divorce and increased geographic distance intimate family celebrations and ritual become less common and cultural ones are filling that gap.  A generation ago there was not so much emphasis put on expectations for Valentine’s Day, Mothers and Fathers Day, even Christmas.  So what’s going on with Valentine’s Day? This can pose problems for both people who are involved in happy relationships and people who are single and wishing

One of the most challenging issues I confront in people who seek my help is perfectionism. These are people with very high standards who continually work to meet their goals-admirable qualities most would agree. When it is extreme, however, the relentless pursuit of achievement can lead to a great deal of misery for the individual and for the people in their lives. Do you know someone like this? They are up late at night finishing a project for work or doing housework. They are pushing their kids relentlessly (and that’s the key word) to do better at sports, homework, managing

    How about challenging yourself in the New Year to learn how to manage difficult emotions better? Are there really any other developments that could make this a better year for you? The big three are anxiety, depression and anger.  All three can be very healthy and appropriate but when they are excessive or unrelenting they are incredibly toxic with the power to destroy our lives and make the people around us miserable.  Psychology has much to teach us and has made great progress in developing strategies to bring the harmful effects of these feelings under control.   Cognitive

Depression is a greatly misunderstood condition that affects millions of people.  A better understanding of depression can help people to recognize and take action as early as possible.  The longer someone suffers from depression the more entrenched the condition can become, making treatment and recovery more difficult.  The most common picture most people have of depression is that someone suffering from depression is withdrawn, sad and passive.  You might expect them to want to stay at home, avoid people and keep to themselves.  You may associate depression with suicidal thoughts or statements or a feeling that the person would be

What is the essential ingredient to a relationship that keeps us content and happy? It isn’t something exotic or unusual or hard to identify. I believe the most important human quality necessary to sustain a relationship is KINDNESS; the ability to feel and express empathy to another person, to care about their feelings. This is a critical ingredient to search for and require in a friend or in a partner. Of course being kind helps as well but unless you have chosen a person who is fully able to demonstrate kindness to you, I don’t think you will experience much

One of the stereotypes about counseling and psychotherapy is that you have to rehash your past and go back to your childhood. In fact many problems are not related significantly with childhood. People with very stable and happy childhoods develop problems for which they seek help later in life such as overcoming shyness, dealing with anger, anxiety or depression, coping with divorce, death or chronic pain or illness. Many people do come for psychological help who do not need to reflect significantly on their past to find strategies for the future. Difficulty in early years can, however, have long term

The holiday season has begun and many people will find this a difficult and painful time.  This reaction has received more attention and awareness in recent years but is always worth revisiting.  This year, those who struggle will have the added pressure of the recession.  Many Americans have lost  jobs or even homes making a time that emphasizes abundance and generosity even more difficult.The holidays can always be disturbing for those dealing with loss.  Christmas, Hanukkah and Thanksgiving all emphasize family, festivity, warmth and safety. New Year’s is a time of hope and optimism for the future.  When real life

Two issues of sexuality have received a great deal of prominence in the media in the last weeks-the Penn State child sex abuse grand jury indictment and former charges of sexual harassment aimed at the Republican front runner Herman Cain.  The accused behaviors are not comparable but they focus our attention on issues of sexuality and how they are covered in the media.  I am always surprised by the level of suspicion which is  focused on those who  make charges of sexual misconduct.  We look at people and can’t conceive that they would behave in these inappropriate ways and yet,

Is anger dangerous?  Is it a “bad” emotion?  Anger is at the center of many problems in relationships.  Anger itself is really not the source of the problem.  Anger is a normal, healthy, necessary emotion that protects us from being hurt by others.  It’s how we express it- or, just as importantly, fail to express it- that causes  problems with the people in our lives.  Problems in relationships at home, at work, with our children  our loved ones, friends or even strangers can arise from an ineffective expression of anger. Too hostile an expression of anger is self-defeating.  Anger that